Monday, July 29, 2013

Music Monday - The Lion Sleeps Tonight

Smeagol has traveled through the wild a lot. Yes, very much. The Dead Marshes, Emyn Muil, Mirkwood, the Wold, many places. Many beasts we have seen, so we sings this song, The Lion Sleeps Tonight. We thinks it is some of our best work.

Arda tells us we must "support" and "sustain" the long, high notes. We does it! We practices very much and does it well!

[I can vouch for the extensive practicing at least. Someone help me.]

Saturday, July 27, 2013

Story Saturday - Smeagol and the Three Hobbitses

We was young. We just found our precious! But our friends didn't like us anymore. So we had to find safe place. Precious hadn't found the Misty Mountains yet.

Once upon a time as we were traveling alone, we finds a house with no one inside it. Poor Smeagol was very cold, wet, and hungry, so we goes in. And we sees fish! Such juicy, tender fish! Smeagol was very hungry, so we tried the biggest fish first. But they ruins it! Burned it with fire. We wants our fish raw. So we goes to the second fish. But they freezes it! Fish as hard as rocks. We only has six teeth and cannot bite it. So we goes to the smallest fish. It is fresh! It is juicy! It is tasty! We eats the whole thing.

Then we wanted to sit down for a bit, so we finds some chairs. Smeagol had been starving, so we were thin, so very thin. The first chair was too big! Who would want to sit in a chair like that, we wonders? But the second chair was too big for us too! Chairs for people with more food inside them than poor Smeagol. So we goes to the third chair, and it fits! It fits us, precious! But then it breaks and Smeagol falls on the floor. Nasty, nasty chair, trying to hurt poor Smeagol.

We decides to go to sleep instead. We sleep on rocks and things and almost forgot what a bed is like. When we tries the first bed we sees, it is too hard! Precious doesn't want to sleep on another rock! Gollum, gollum. Then the second bed is too soft, and we feel like we are sinking, and we doesn't like this one bit. But the third bed was just right, and since we were very, very tired, we fell asleep.

But then, three nasty hobbitses came to the house. "Someone's been eating my fish," says the hobbit father. "Someone's been eating my fish," says the hobbit mother. "Someone's been eating my fish," says a very small hobbit, "and it's all gone!" Hehehehehe! It doesn't know that we eats it, my precious!

Then they sees the chairs, and the father and mother hobbitses say, "someone has been sitting in my chair!" And the little hobbit says, "someone has been sitting in my chair and it's all broken!" Even though the chair hurt us!

The hobbitses go into the bedroom, and the father hobbit says, "someone's been sleeping in my bed!" And the mother hobbit says, "someone's been sleeping in my bed!" And the little hobbit says "someone's been sleeping in my bed and is still there!"

We wakes up and sees the nasty hobbitses. Poor Smeagol was so frightened! We runs away and never comes back. But later we wondered if hobbits were tasty. Maybe we could have stayed. All we wanted was a warm home. But we found our cave, with fishes and orcses to eat. And no nasty chairs to hurt us.

The end!

It thinks this is a story about Goldilockses and bears, but they stole this story from us. Filthy thieves... Precious says always cite your sources! Don't be tricksey and false!

Tuesday, July 23, 2013

Tricksey Tuesday - Caveses
In our last post for Tricksey Tuesday we tells it how to get away from a person. But maybe it doesn't work, precious? We are clever but maybe the person is persistent. Maybe it doesn't have friends or squirrelses or anyone to help it out. So we came up with another idea!

When we took the hobbitses to her, we walks through a dark, dark cave. Smeagol is used to caves and darkness. We can see in it. But little hobbitses cannot. So we goes ahead and loses them!

Maybe it is with a person it would like to leave? It can go somewhere dark. Very dark. A cinema? Or movie theater? They are very dark for movies. Maybe it can go see us! We likes our movies very much.

So it goes inside and the movies starts, yes precious? Then it says it has to go do something important, even to get nasty chips. Smeagol doesn't like chips but we makes sacrifices to reach our goals. So it goes out, then away it goes! The person can't see it in the dark and it can leave them! Hehehehehe!

So it should go see The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug, yes? On December 13. We are credited in it and our friend Andy Serkis is the "second unit director." It is very important, even if Smeagol dosen't know what it means. Go see it!! And get rid of nasty hobbitses!

[I'm away this week so comments may be posted very slowly, but Gollum will continue with his regular schedule :) -Arda]

Thursday, July 18, 2013

Trust Us Thursday - Labeling

What is ourself?

If it were to ask the Fat Hobbit, it would find that we were a sneak.

But does he really know us?

Hobbitses, they can call us names but that doesn't mean that's what we are! It may call us a sneak but it doesn't know what we are really doing, does it precious? Just because it calls us a sneak doesn't mean that we are a sneak.

They don't decide who we are, do they precious? We decide for ourselfs! We are not a sneak. We are Gollum the Great!

So when someone says what it is, remember that it can be whatever it wants! If someone says it isn't clever or beautiful remember that it lies! Yes, nasty hobbitses cannot tell it what it is. It can tell them.

 No one asked us for help with problems, so we are going to solve a problem of the Short Blogger's. She has lots of problems, yes, yesss.

The Short Blogger tells us that she ruins her "sleep schedule." We watch her sleep to learn what she does. The Short Blogger, sleeping so beautifully. She thinks she must sleep earlier. But she is wrong! If it needs help with its sleeping too, it should remember to watch out for the Yellow Face and the White Face. Sleep, yes, it should sleep while the Yellow Face is high in the sky. Then the Wraiths can't see. They can't see it. Not while its sleeping and hidden. Then when the Yellow Face goes away, then it can go out. Catch nice fishes. But beware the White Face. Some nights he's there. Some nights he's gone. It can go out then.

To fix its sleeping, it can rest when the Yellow Face is out. And stay awake when it ought to be out. Very soon, it will fix its sleeping. Yes? We helps it nicely?

[Gollum watches me sleep? Okay that is creepy.]

Monday, July 15, 2013

Music Monday - The Confrontation

We sees people sad because they can't sing two parts at once. But we can! Oh yes we can, precious! With Precious and I we can sing whatever we likes! So we have The Confrontation from Les Miserables. Yes, yesss, we sings lots of songs from it.

We know it doesn't look like us but it will play along, won't it precious? It will play along nicely?

Sunday, July 14, 2013

Q&A with us!

Suprise! It's Sssneaky Sunday, so we surprising it by posting its questions! We got lots of questions about us. We thought it would just want to ask us for help with it's problems, but it wants to know about us! Smeagol is very happy that our readers care about us. We don't have any friends, but readers make us happy, yes they do precious!

What are Gollum and Sméagol's favorites movies? What is the best way to catch fissh? Who do you hates the most? -James

We likes The Lord of the Rings, of course! Three long movies with us! And we do very, very well in them. We should win an Oscar, yes precious! We don't like The Hobbit quite as much. No, not very much at all. We thinks Andy Serkis is doing a very good job but there is too much of Baggins. Our other favorite is O Precious, Where Art Thou? We can very much relate as we tries to find the Precious.
Yes, we answered the second question.
We hates.... We hates anyone who tries to take our Precious! Baggins, he stole it from us. We lost it for a very long time. We didn't know what to do. Then Master tries to hurt the precious. We hates Master. No, no we don't. We likes nice Master. Yes we do hate it! We only need me! Not nasty hobbitses who trick us. We need me to get back the Precious. No, no, we don't need it now. We want it to go away. Hehehe, it wants us to leave? It can't do anything without us. We doesn't like the Baggins who took the Precious, but nice Master looks after us. He keeps the Precious away from us! We hates it too!

[this went on for a while but I'll cut it here]

Dearest Smeagol, How dost thou plan to have fun in the summer hot time??

The Yellow Face, always spying in the summer. No, we don't like it. Always showing where we are. It hurts our eyes. We hides. We waits. Stream and pool is wet and cool... We will go to a nice place. No hobbits following. No nasty orcses or wicked men. Just Smeagol. Yes, just us. Fissh, we can get many nice fish while we stay cool.

Do you prefer to be called Smeagol or Gollum?
Where did you come up with the song 'Naughty Little Fly?' Did you make it up yourself?

Smeagol is our name. It can call us Gollum if it likes. Smeagol doesn't mind. But do not call us sneak! We writes nice blog for it, we posts two times a week, so don't call us sneak!
Did we makes it up? Did we. Long ago, yes, yess. We heard it, so very long ago, when Smeagol was happy and free. But we thinks of it when Master gets caught in a web. And we comes up with the new ending! We are quite good with songs. We know very many.

Have you ever used the rings power to prank anyone?

Smeagol likes sssneaking, and we used our Precious very much. We goes to take nasty orcses to eat. We use our Precious then. If we had the Precious later, we would sneak up on the fat hobbit. Sneak up on him in his sleep! We would give him a fright. Smeagol could laugh! The fat hobbit would be so surprised!

where do you buy your loinsloths from?

What does it ask?? We are not going to tell it that! But we tells it one thing. We doesn't go to the GAP of Rohan!

[Thank you so much for sending questions to Gollum! Pics are from's fantastic humor section]

Saturday, July 13, 2013

Story Saturday - Itsy Bitsy Stars

We has two songs for it today, songs about Smeagol, for Story Saturday!

The Itsy Bitsy Smeagol:
The itssy bitssy Smeagol went up the Mordor wall.
Out came the orcs who made poor Smeagol fall.
We found a path atop a winding stair,
So we tricked the nasty hobbits to meet our friend up there! Hehehehe!

Twinkle Twinkle:

Twinkle twinkle nasty stars,
We don't like it where you are.
You all plan with the White Face,
Tell the Wraiths our hiding place!
Twinkle twinkle nasty stars,
Go away to Eldamar!

Bagginses isn't the only one who can make songs! We came up the these all ourselfs! We are very proud of them.

Tuesday, July 9, 2013

Tricksey Tuesday - Crumbs on his jacketses

Smeagol loves to trick nasty hobbitses! We will show it how to trick hobbitses it doesn't like too!

We played a very clever trick once, yes, very clever. The fat hobbit wanted to help Master hurt the Precious. So we sends him away! Hehehehe!

Precious will see, we throws nasty elf bread off a cliff, then we puts crumbs on the fat hobbit's jacketses. So Master thinks he eats them! Smeagol is so clever!

We hear things, that when there are three friends, there can be a "third wheel." Smeagol does not know what this means, but the short blogger, she says it's nassty. We thinks we was it with Master and the fat hobbit. So we will help it! Smeagol will help!

But we thinks it may not have nasty elf bread, so here is what Smeagol thinks it can do.

If it wants to get rid of ssomeone, we thinks it should find a phone. Yes, it uses phones? It uses them very much?

So it gets a phone of one friend, and then, hehe, then it changes all the names in the contacts to Gothmog! Except one. It leaves the name of the other person. So it looks like they did it! Then the friend will send them away. Hehehe, Smeagol is so clever! Gollum gollum.

We hopes it likes our tricks, precious! Good luck getting rid of nasty hobbitses!

Thursday, July 4, 2013

Trust Us Thursday - Believe in Yourself

Is it sad? Is it hurt? Does it thinks it cannot do something?

We knows what it is like. When Baggins stole my Precious we were sad, very sad. We thought we would never see our Precious ever again.

But we did! We did, we did, we did! Heeheehee!

If we didn't believe in ourselfs, we might not have ever seen our Precious again. We would have been all alone. All alone...

To find our Precious, we traveled very, very far. Through the Mountains, and Mirkwood, and Emyn Muil, and even into Mordor. Under the watch of the Eye. The Eye is always watching! Poor Smeagol was very afraid, but we kept going, sneaking, hiding.

So when it is sad, just remember that it can do it! It can, precious! Even if it is scared. It can go to many places, and do many things, and get what it wants! Smeagol knows. Smeagol did it, and we know it can do it too!

 It sent us questions! We only wants to talk about advice today, so we takes two questions and answers others later.

What is the best way to catch fissh?

It should find a pool or river. Lots of fish. And it can cool its feet so very nicely. Then it is patient. Smeagol is very patient. Watches for fishes. Then we grabs it out of the water! It must be very quick. Then it can eat the fish or Smeagol likes to hit it on a rock first.  Then we eats it, my precioussss!

What would you advise are the best parts out of the LOTR trilogy?

We thinks it should skip the beginning with Bagginses. We doesn't like it one bit. Smeagol's favorite parts are when nice Master follows us, and we catch fishes, and fights the fat hobbit, and gets our Precious! That is our advice - it shouldn't watch the parts with nasty, tricksey hobbitses. But we have good parts, very good parts!

Good Smeagol always helps, and we hopes that it can be better with our advice. It must trust us that we gives good advices. Now we must go to catch fishes ourselfs...

Monday, July 1, 2013

Music Monday - Somewhere Over the Rainbow

Today we will play for you Smeagol's version of Somewhere Over the Rainbow, from the classic film The Wizard of Oz. Smeagol likes the movie, but not the nasty wizard. We doesn't like nasty wizardses. They wants to lock us up and ask us questions Smeagol doesn't want to answer. But Dorothy is nice. We thinks she would be nice to us. So we sings her song as we dreams along with nice Dorothy.

Enjoy, precious! Hehehehehe!