Tuesday, August 20, 2013

PSA - Public Smeagol Announcement

[Whoops, sorry forgot to post today. We need to rework the posting schedule so there'll be a brief hiatus until that happens. I started school and while Gollum doesn't have homework, his mod does. Sorry and thanks for your patience! I leave you all with this picture. -Arda]

Thursday, August 15, 2013

Trust Us Thursday - Fissssh in the Sea

"There are plenty of fish in the sea"

We hears this piece of advice, and we would like to explain it.

It finds someone. It likes it. It likes it very much.

But then it goes away. It loses the thing it wants.

It will be sad, so very sad, but it will get better.

It is not the only one.

It will find another one it likes. We knows it will.

It may wait a very long time, but we knows it will find another.

Then it can grab it and eat the fish! Heheheheheh!

We got a question. Yes, a question from Vellvin! It fits very nicely into this post, doesn't it precious?

Why is it that you don't like potatoes? Or chips for that matter?

When the fat hobbit tells us of "fish and chips," we doesn't like the idea, no precious, we doesn't like it one little bit. It ruins nice fish. It fries it, and the chips too. Foolish, silly hobbits! We knows that its fish is bad, and we doesn't want its chips. No grasses or roots. We likes fresh meat. We finds it young, tender, nice. That is our advice. It mustn't spoil nice things, no precious! It mustn't spoil nice things that Smeagol finds for hobbitses. Eat it now, before it spoils, and do not put it in a pot!

Monday, August 12, 2013

Music Monday - On My Own

Smeagol lived alone for 500 years. We don't have any friends. Nobody likes us. Except nice Master. He looks out for us. But he stole our preciousssss. So we are on our own, so we likes this song from Les Miserables.

Did you know that Smeagol can steal bodies? It's no fun to say it doesn't look like us singing.

Saturday, August 10, 2013

Story Saturday - B̶i̶l̶b̶o̶'̶s̶ Gollum's Song

One ill turn deserves another, we hears. Since Baggins stole our precious, we thinks that we should steal from him. So we takes his song! But we doesn't like it much, no, not very much at all. We makes it much, much better. Look! Look, followers!

We sits beside the fire and thinks
Of all that we have seen,
Of Mordor towers and the Great Eye
No fish, no birds, no green;

Of dark and damp in caves of her
Atop the winding stair,
She's waiting there to have her fun
When next we brings food there. 

We sits beside the fire and thinks
Of how hobbits will be
When we get back our Precious Ring
And gets it back for MEEEE!

For Baggins stole our Precious Ring
And slips away unseen
With pocketses not holding string
As at our loss we screams.

We sits beside the fire and thinks
Of where Master will go
As he walks far across the world
On paths that we will show.

But all the while we sits and thinks
Of what happened before,
We waits for hobbitses defeat
For now they are done for!


Tuesday, August 6, 2013

Tricksey Tuesday - Getaway (and answers!)

We have said many times that we hates nasty hobbitses. Yes, we hates them, precious, yes. But we hates elveses too. They tie up poor Smeagol with burning rope. They put Smeagol in prison. We hates them too.

When they had us as a prisoner in the dark forest, they took us out so we could climb the trees. Nice trees. Nicer than elves. Smeagol likes to climb high and get away from the nasty elveses. One time when we climbed, orcses came and fought the elveses. The elves were so busy with the orcses that they don't see us, and we gets away!

So how can it do this? How can it? Say it is talking to someone it doesn't like. It can get its friends to surround them so it gets away! Heeheehee! Or if it is like poor Smeagol and doesn't have friends, it can ask some squirrels, can't it? Nice squirrelses. I'm sure they would help. Oh so crunchable squirrelses...

That is how it gets away from hobbitses or elveses it doesn't like! Isn't Smeagol clever?

The Short Blogger forgot to let us answer the other questions! Silly Short Blogger! So we will do it now.

Can you read Elvish?
Do you still have two-sided conversations? i.e. Gollum and Smeagol?

We doesn't read much, no, not much anymore. But we knows the writing on our Precious. Yes, we thinks it is in Elvish. It says, "this is our Precious." We don't understand why Baggins would take it from us. It is ours!
Yes, we talks to people and have these..."two-sided conversations." When we answers your question there are two of us talking, yes precious? We shouldn't answer silly questions. No, no, we likes to answer them. We likes it when people ask about ourselfs. Who needs them! They all like Baggins, not us. They do likes us! They follow our blog! They pretend to like us. I'm not listening! These people don't really like you. No, no... Leave them. We must get the Precious. Yes...no! Gollum, gollum.

[tl;dr the second answer is yes]

Thursday, August 1, 2013

Trust Us Thursday - Bad Friendships

When someone is nice to us, we likes to keep them around. We likes them, don't we, precious? But then there are people who are not nice to Smeagol.

Should we be quiet? Should we let it go? Should we let them hurt poor Smeagol?

No, no precious! We doesn't have to stay with people who aren't nice to us!

We already posted ideas for getting rid of friends. But we must also get rid of enemies, don't we precious?

We think long and hard about this, but we comes up with a solution.

We eats it!

Then Smeagol leaves nasty hobbitses and repays them for what they've done, yes? And we gets a meal at the same time.

Or if hobbit isn't it's favorite meal, it can give the hobbitses to a friend. She could do it, if precious doesn't want it.

It shouldn't stay in friendships where they hurt it! It can just eat it!

[major disclaimer: while leaving bad relationships can be a good thing, I would recommend finding a slightly less violent method of doing so -Arda]

We got a question asking for advice!

I need new conditioner, what type would you recommend? You've been able to keep your hair in very good condition, even when traveling with the hobbits.

It thinks our hair looks nice? That make Smeagol happy! But we doesn't do anything with it. We keeps it natural. We thinks that is the best way to take care of it. Don't add slimy things to it. Let your hair go freeee!

[He stole conditioner from Legolas while in the Mines of Moria. L'Oréal Mirkwood, because you're worth it.]